Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of
distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight
number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely
proportional to the amount of
repellent that remains.
probability of diarrhea increases with the square of
the thistle content of the local vegetation.
area of level ground in the neighborhood tends to vanish
as the need to make camp becomes finite.
In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate is
inversely proportional to the amount of
is also inversely proportional to the temperature and
the degree to which the mummy bag is completely zipped
clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at containing
width of backpack straps decreases with the distance
compensate, the weight of the backpack increases. Average
temperature increases with the amount of clothing brought.
stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N is the
number of stakes necessary to stake
down a tent.
a chance, matches will find a way to get wet.
side of the tent is the side that leaks.
foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when
Divide the number of servings by two when reading the
directions for reconstituting anything
When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water
filter, "hour" should be substituted for "minute" when
reading the average quarts filtered per minute.
weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed.
tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective
trunks at exactly the height of your nose.
will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife
as soon as you open the box.
Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the first
day out, that you can grow the food you need
for the rest of the trip in rows between sleeping bags.
camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will
stay at approximately 35.702 degrees Kelvin
no matter how long you keep it in your sleeping bag
sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when
you're trying to set up camp.
never come apart as easily when you're leaving a site
as when you're trying to get them
set up in the first place.
planning to take time off of work/school for your camping
trip, always add an extra week, because when you get
home from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go
back for a week after.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping
bag by running over it with your car.
first time campers from the city were on a camping trip.
The mosquitoes were so fierce, the guys had to hide
under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one
of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend,
"We might as well give up. They’re coming after us with
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo
Shine a flashlight into one ear.
If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into
the woods alone.
Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down
for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?", Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells
me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that
Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time
is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically,
I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small
and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that
we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does
it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."